Thursday, October 07, 2004

post zero

This post is just a test to see if i like this site......

first post

ok... this site is going to work i think. I preferred the set up on Blogger.com, but they didn't have any type of password protection.forget them.

So here I am....

well, this whole thing is weird. i really didn't expect this to happen from the ad i posted.

At this point i'm having a lot of different emotions. part of me is really excited. then there is still a part of me that says, be careful for what you wish for...
I guess I haven't really trusted anyone to this extent in a long time, and it's difficult to let go of control, because i've been burnt before (...literally!). I am starting to feel something different though... not sure how to explain that feeling. longing... anxiety... excitement... a bit of fear... horniness too!
The part i dislike the most is the not really knowing what i'm doing! i don't want to fuck up yet i understand that too much direction will ruin the journey... do i act like me until I'm told otherwise? do i act different? i think i asked one to many questions today... about matthew and my bf... i won't bring that up again.
i need to figure out where that elusive line is of what's ok and what's not. or maybe that's what the fun of this is... the tension created by not knowing...
it's like sexual tension with the dial turned up to 11. as Nigel would say:"You see, most blokes will be playing at 10. You’re on 10, all the way up, all the way up...Where can you go from there? Nowhere. What we do, is if we need that extra push over the cliff...Eleven. One louder."
..I guess I'm hoping this pushes me over the cliff to eleven